Piecing broken pottery together.

Wow would be my one word summary for yesterday's neverending rush of events. Visiting a place where I would be leaving in a short period of time, getting chased out of it by my favourite teacher, dragging my coma induced carcass to tuitions, finally resting for the first time in 3 days, waking up to find a my family(my full family) right in front wishing me a happy birthday.

It was such a heavyweight event of emotional matchups, regarding seeing both my parents come together to celebrate my birthday. Despite hating each other's guts, they worked over their differences and collaborated a mini-birthday party thing for me. I could not take the feeling of warmth and togetherness any longer, I ran up to my room and shut the door. I took my guitar and played the countless songs that I had come up with about broken families and all about the 'could have beens' that could have been if my parents didn't break up.

Tomorrow will be my Chemistry Practical paper. I am as fucked as a single lone chicken surrounded by a pack of wolves. Finger-lickin good!

A Second in Nothingness.

Nothingness. What can you say about Nothingness? All you people out there who live simply to tell lame and really Doh! kinda jokes shut up, we all know what you're going to say.

Well, you see I'm sitting for these major exams at the moment. Seriously major as in, flunk this and you life is screwed kinda thing. It's the 'O' Levels. The importance of doing well for this paper is beyond just being important, it has been exaggerated to the point of where failing would equate a failure of Singaporean society.

Things have changed pretty much, a whole 180 invert to be slightly overly-descriptive. For example, the main focus of everybody now is to study and to mug their arses off. Soccer and music, which once held reigning status over the activities among my group of friends has now become another white elephant. People have changed too, everybody has gotten more frantic and disturbed that the exam dates approach closer with every passing second. Close friends have now become fellow competitors for the prize inside the golden box and all must be done to deceive and lead one another to their own fall. A little excerpt from a conversation earlier with a certain friend that I have chosen not to identify 'cos I still wanna be friends with the dude.

Me: "Been studying lately man? I'm effing worried that I won't cover enough.."
Dude: "No, I didn't study at all recently. Haven't even started revision yet."

That was complete bull you lying piece of shit! We just did maths together just 3days ago you stinking liar!

Me: "Really ah? Oh okay, oh do you know how to do Profit & Loss Appropriation? Teach me?"
Dude: "Oh I don't know how to do it too."

I glance over at his file and see words starting at me in neon yellow highlighter ink. PROFIT AND LOSS APPROPRIATION. I proceed to strangle the sick bastard, verbally.

Me: "Eh don't bluff la. Your note's are right there. Borrow ah?" Stretches hand out in slowmo.
Dude: Smacks my hand and hides file in bag "Not mine lah, sister's. Don't touch."

If someone could have read my mind, he would have gotten up to the nearest telephone booth and called the police immediately. I was thinking bad shit, like brutal death metal kinda shit.


How is it that we can allow ourselves to turn into such barbaric and inhumane creatures that rely on underhand tactics to accomplish certain goals. And I'm not referring to me wanting to perform surgery without anasthetic on his face. I meant hiding information and knowledge from people just so that you can have that little upperhand advantage. Just for that, you are willing to risk a friendship and someone's respect for you? I wouldn't, to be honest. I'm just a charitable person at heart, sortoff.

So friendship turns into bitter rivalry, life that we had once known is now a degradation of what was once perfect. And I have spent 20mins sitting in this chair and typing away while the time could have been used for doing my Chemistry.

Another second spent in Nothingness. It's a pretty nice place actually. To be nothing, to feel nothing, to want nothing, to say nothing, to know nothing, to understand nothing, to believe nothing, to trust nothing, to love nothing, to care for nothing, to show appreaciation to nothing, to hate nothing, to kill nothing, to eat nothing, to drink nothing, to want nothing, to give nothing, to touch nothing, to feel nothing, to hear nothing, to taste nothing, to see nothing, and the list can go on a long way more..

Nothing is a nice word after all eh?

Firstly, Secondly and then everything else ends up with numbers.

What a brash and daring blog address you might exclaim loudly and quickly say The Lord's Prayer, begging for forgiveness for setting your eyes upon such disgraceful attrocity.

Yes yes, you must think that I am someone who has prefix.i many piercings and tattoos that spread from my forehead to my arsehole(Ouch!), someone who stares at little children in demeaning glares, someone who expels vulgarity as fast as the next piece of crap musician wins an award on glourious MTV, someone who comes from a broken home, someone who does drugs on a regular basis, someone who has police records for shoplifting or organised crime(the 'unglam' stuff), someone who has a low level of education and someone who has insecurity issues.

To be honest, I would love to say that I'm not anything of the forementioned. That I come from a happy and supportive family, that I study at the top schools, that I have never touched Alcohol or any form of tobbaco or done weed before. However, nearly 3/4 of the above paragraph including prefix.i is true. Sad but true.

IMO, there are many unproved theories that discredit religion in all forms and aspects. These theories such as the Big Bang Theory and so on and so for. Theories and personal experiences that I will share to the most intimate of details with all who decide to be smarter than the average Joe and read this piece of blogging internet cable junk.

To my Mom, that I love most dearly and it is truely tragic that I cannot live or be with you at the moment(stop jerking off, you incest bastards!), you are not a bad mother. There is nobody else, I'd rather have to be my mother in this entire globe. If you ever find this, just accept that people change and maybe I will change again. After all, doesn't your God encourage hope, whether in falsehood or not? And lastly, it wasn't because of the music!

I do not wish to, in any words of intentional or unintentional malice to hurt anybody's feelings. After all, I am a caring person that wishes to correspond to everyone on a more personal level that involves certain amounts of brutal criticism and internet impalation.